Hey- You may be emotional this time of year

It's the holidays so its common to feel like shit.

I have compiled some quotes that I think are funny. I got stuck on Mark Twain obviously.

I often have dragged through the holidays crying and annoying my family. This year, only the ghost of sad Christmases past floated by. I mean I only felt a passing sadness and a fraction of what I had felt before. 

Major emotions used to hit and wouldn't leave for days, like unwelcome family. 
I would like to remind any one that has trouble with holidays that you are not alone.

Or at least distract yourselves with these fun quotes.

Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.

Benjamin Franklin

If I had no sense of humor, I would long ago have committed suicide.

Mahatma Gandhi

We have the best government that money can buy.

Mark Twain

I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.

Mark Twain

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Mark Twain

No sinner is ever saved after the first twenty minutes of a sermon.

Mark Twain

There is no distinctly American criminal class - except Congress.

Mark Twain

Few of us can stand prosperity. Another man's, I mean.

Mark Twain

By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.

Mark Twain

The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places
Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms

Eddie, not enjoying the holidays

 

Mona, putting up with my shenanigans for the holidays

Nein Kampf

Hi. I just disembarked from a trip to Munich Germany. Despite anxiety about the long plane trip as well as anxiety about trains and automobile rides.  Amazingly, I did just fine.

I can thank my mom for taking me and my brother and his wife Caroline for the best hospitality I have ever experienced.
But I used one Valium and a lot of alcohol throughout.

I was unable to procure anti anxiety drugs. My Dr. prescribed me six lorazepam in case of emergency. But they expired and I was too afraid to take them. 

My dad told me he was able to get me Valium. When he finally handed it over, it was one pill. He had no info on the amount of mg. I looked it up and it looked like 5mgs. I split it in half brought it in case. 

I did take a half upon sitting in the plane seat and two glasses of wine. This I was told would be an ok combo.  Plus I watched the most questionable movie on my own monitor, Entourage. 

I continually had to block the sex scenes with a book I barely read. I did not want my mom to think I'm some kind of perv.

She was stuck on a black jack screen. And later moved on to something starring elderly British people (probably). 

Todd my brother was there for us when we got there with his 2.5 year old Olivia.

They took us on a series of trains. Which normally would have triggered anxiety but Todd and Olivia were singing in German and English the entire time. This cheered me up completely. Todd says in Germany it's quiet and clean on the public transit. But he and his daughter did America proud by increasing decibel levels and sometimes leaving stickers. I loved it. Others, not sure. 

Todd pointed out the word fahrt. Which is everywhere because it means way, or trip. How can I panic when I see this sign for instance. Maybe only for the totally sophomoric.

Every day Todd, Caroline, Olivia and Leon took us through cobblestone streets to Christmas markets, castles, churches, Nuremberg, Tegernsee. I found a large beer in my hand at most times. 

Caroline is from Germany and Todd has lived there five years. They pay a large tax there for universal health care. 

But, I think it's worth considering that the infrastructure there looks like it is working.

Here are some examples.

They are happy with their health care

Caroline gets a year off paid after having a baby.

Todd gets time off as well because of being a father.

A yearly vacation time is one month.

The public transit is super efficient, we often waited one minute or less.

Universities are free. 

They care more about conservation of energy there. Money back for recycling, solar panels, cars very small. 

Bicyclists of all ages used a bike lane that is the outer part of the sidewalk.
There is a whole system in place to take refugees. i.e. the Syrian refugees. (Todd pointed to the building)

Todd says he feels safe, and does not worry about gun violence.

I did not know that I was such a socialist. But as I was enjoying the city of Munich. I mistakenly checked facebook and there was so much sadness for many different real reasons. 

Lastly, and I can't say this enough. My mom and I were treated to the kindest hospitality that included getting fed, playing games in the evening, and listening to a set of mother goose songs between my brother and his daughter. His daughter who yelled "nein" if we attempted to join the song and dance.
Todd and Olivia's greatest hits included "The cow jumped over the moon" "best little donkey" "from wibbleton to wobbleton" abcs and songs in German. I am in love with Leon as well for smiling at me or my glasses across the room.

Olivia and Leon

Todd's beautiful family, Beautiful wife Caroline

Salman Rushdie/Crisis hotline reunion

This Saturday the Chicago Humanities festival hosted Salman Rushdie. He won this year's Chicago Tribune Literary Award. Rushdie was interviewed by Bruce Dold of the Chicago Tribune.  His new book is titled Two Years Eight Months and Twenty-Eight Days, a reference to the story Scheherazade, the name of a woman who had to tell stories for 1001 nights or she would be killed.  Rushdie explained that his father, Anis, changed his last name a long time ago to the name of a 12th century philosopher because he admired his progressive views.  Ironically that philosopher pissed off the powers that were. I used to think his name sounded like he was in a rush to die.

Rushdie also talked about the years he had to travel under heavy security. In 1989 the Ayatollah Khomeini issued a Fatwa condemning Rushdie for writings deemed anti-Muslim. He talked about how he was once going to be picked up in New York by a long motorcade and stretch bulletproof limo. He thought that this just drew more attention to him and he would have preferred a used Buick. The lieutenant on duty thought his girlfriend was a spy out to kill him and could not be convinced otherwise.

The interviewer asked him whether he thought he was a victim of his early success, since Midnight's Children, published in 1981, was his most successful novel. Rushdie replied that Joseph Heller was frequently asked why he hadn't written anything as good as Catch 22 and Heller would respond, "No one else has written anything as good (as Catch 22) since either".

Rushdie also said he likes to play a game with his friends: book titles that didn't quite make it. His examples were "Moby Prick" and "The Big Gatsby".  He had great comic timing, so these sounded funnier at the time. Lastly, he said he wrote a U2 song and that he starred in the music video directed by Wim Wenders. In it he is kissed by Scarlett Johansson.

Doesn't it seem that surviving the fatwa has given him rock star status?

I went to see Rushdie with a friend, Jessica, who is amazing. She is volunteering next week in Nicaragua and will be the official blogger for Spark Ventures. See: http://sparkventures.org/2015/11/launching-sparks-first-young-professionals-trip/

Twenty two years ago I volunteered for a crisis hot-line. I was getting a BA in Psychology at UIC and I was ready to attempt therapy. The hot-line included three months of training. The training was mostly in active listening, and was one of the most interesting and valuable things I have ever done. After you graduate from training, you are paraded into the secret office where you can begin taking calls. You also are given a big sister or brother who trains you further and listens in on your phone calls. My trainers were Maya and Allan, or Anal Allan, as he introduced himself to a room full of nicknamed people. 

A reunion of crisis hotline volunteers was scheduled this weekend at the Carlton of Oak Park.
I went armed with a question, "Did you have any calls that stood out?" I asked a woman who was there at roughly the same time as I was. She told me that there was a man that would only talk to her and he would say that he was going to be famous for all the destruction he was planning. She was haunted by him and twenty plus years later still is.

I should say that I obtained a BA while I volunteered there and this experience soured me on the profession a little. It did so because the same callers were calling for ten plus years telling the same stories, and I was horrified. Not by all the people calling to tell me they were naked except for wearing high heels. But I was horrified by how they needed to call every night for a decade and tell the same story verbatim.

I also asked a young girl who was on the line last year what call or calls stood out in her mind. She opened up immediately. The call that stood out for her was a man who was masturbating while talking, and whom she managed to get talking about his childhood. (Michel requested that I describe the man's actions in Victorian terms). While she was telling this story, I was thinking: This is exactly why I left this kind of work. I don't care about some disgusting person's childhood. But I have a theory: In some jobs you see the worst of human nature, in others you see the best. For instance, in what I do now,  All the people I deal with now are lovable.

Lastly, I asked a man who was on the line in the Seventies. He said he couldn't remember. but that he was there to meet girls. Then he told me that the main trainer would get him high. I was never offered that. I am not and was not a pot smoker, but I would have liked to be offered some, dammit. A pint- sized sixty year old lady walked up and said, "The real fucked up ones were us, the ones listening to callers." I agreed.

This weekend I forced myself out of my comfort zone twice and it was rewarding. Both times I was very nervous. Michel was home grading papers. But I learned that walking in to a room full of strangers is awesome if you have an excellent question that will open them up. I also learned that my voice does not carry very far at all. No one could hear me. I had to yell one inch from people's ears and it wasn't even very noisy in the room.

Michel has been trying to memorize The Wasteland by T.S. Eliot.  http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/176735 He was reminded of the poem when something we were watching mentioned the legend of the Fisher King. Michel explained that T.S. Eliot's poems contain many kinds of references, and that this is part of what makes him very interesting. This is also part of Rushdie's charm.  Lastly it is one of the things I love about Michel, all he knows about classic literature.

The closet

A stylist came over to look into my closet and sort the good, the bad, and the ugly. It has been said that this stylist makes fun of clothes if it is necessary.
Michel needs no help. He is perfect. See pic. Only thing is he was dressed like that when we went camping.

Once, not that long ago, I was standing on the corner of Milwaukee and Wolcott, in Chicago, waiting for a taco to go. These two ladies approached me and asked, "Do you work here?"
I said yes, because I worked on that block. They said, "So do we. Aren't they cracking down lately?"
I almost fainted. They told me I could walk with them and work with them. They told me that customers often liked a black girl and a white girl.
(They were black.) It was popular, they said, the combo pack.
I excused myself after our five minute meeting that included a lot of terminology that I was not familiar with. I ran home, crying and laughing at the same time.

So if that is not a reason to have a stylist, what is? I hired Suze Solari.  http://suzesolaristyle.com/

What she did was amazing! I have about a hundred things to throw out now. Ha.
It was also therapeutic in a weird way to have fresh eyes look at my clothes and tell me honestly what she did and did not like.
That she just told me what to get rid of was worth it. She did not like my favorite slacks, saying that they are not doing anything for me. She wanted me to iron the one pair of jeans I have. I don't have an iron.  We identified pieces that suited my personal style, and put them together in new ways - creating ‘new’ outfits & extending my wardrobe.  We made a shopping list of what is missing

She did not impose her style upon me, but looked at what I have and attempted to work with it. I really like Suze and highly recommend her. I will try and do her proud.

The shirt that had me mistaken for a prostitute, by prostitutes.

Suze helping a girl out. Wanted to get a better picture of how great she looks

77 style street punks

The plot of our first adventure featured people cheating on each other, or trying to.  Some young teenaged boy reading a letter of his rude feelings to a grown-ass woman. The woman disrobes him, dresses him in drag, disrobes him again. Her husband knocks, so the teenager jumps out a window.

Here is the link of the teenager singing about his gross teenage feelings https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GfxiEhFust4

The role of the teenaged boy is traditionally played by a woman, for the higher voice and smaller size. But at first I thought Mozart was very progressive and that it was a woman that kept sneaking in to women's rooms and professing her feelings.

I accept that Mozart is a genius after seeing "The Marriage of Figaro"

On Sunday, Grace, her mom, a friend and I saw Patti Smith talk about her new book.

Homeless shelter/ labor induction

Michel and I volunteered at a homeless shelter. It was our first time. We signed up for the dinner shift. It was in the basement of a church in Berwyn. Almost every person I told after had already done it and PADS has it down to every detail. I am not sure how its funded. I will ask.

We got there at the appointed time and were introduced to a woman who was the "site captain" I said "Cool" she said "No it really isn't. She told us to sit down and relax as the doors would not open for some time. She sat next to us and played "candy crush saga" as we watched from around her shoulder. Someone had already laid out mattresses with sheets folded on top of them. And taken out all the plastic serving utensils. I thought we would cook but someone shows up with a hot tray of Mostaccioli at just the right time.

When the doors opened ten people immediately came in. It was hard to tell the homeless from just more volunteers. The homeless all knew what to do and began making their beds. After that we served them dinner. They were more polite than most people. I waited tables for years and no one was as polite. When they were eating we were encourage to mingle. I sat down and noticed that some had I phones. I was being snubbed with I phone usage even here. 

Getting snubbed with phones is now a coined phraise.

Phubbing.   http://www.digitaltrends.com/mobile/what-is-phubbing-and-is-it-ruining-your-relationships/

One woman told me she has a job. Another woman had a stroller and I finally saw that what she was carefully swaddling in a blanket was a tiny stuffed deer. She left food by it's mouth in case it would eat later.

We will go back next month. I feel that it was a great thing to do together. We discussed it for a long time after. 

Later in the weekend I attempted to induced labor in a woman who is past due. She is a fan of acupuncture so I was able to do something my teacher, who studied in Korea does. She needles the acupuncture points around the sacrum and puts TENS unit clips on the needles. Thus sending electrical stimulation into the area that innervates the uterus.

Sunday I ran by this house that has a way better pond than me.

Wedding and a 5k, a weekend that had all the Bells and Whistles

We went to a wedding on Saturday night 9-19-15. Kary and Tony, at Fitzgerald's a couple blocks from my home. The invitation said to dress country casual. I didn't read that till a couple hours before. But this is the country taste of people who announce in their wedding that they believe that marriage is a universal right and they are happy to marry in a world where all l.g.b.q. t. (and I felt I heard some new letters) can get married. This was said by the minister and I felt I could hear Kary clearly in the things that were said. I love that Kary is always thinking of the world around her. She was in the peace corps as a young adult and is now a counselor. She has read about the different world religions and likes to talk about any topic. The minister also said that the couple met here at this bar, several years ago (Both are country music fans and now are in a band together called Lonesome Still). The night they met, Tony saw Kary give her gloves to a homeless person. Yes, that totally sounds like her.
Also, I am going to start doing that to impress people this winter.

I cried for a second when the minister said that Tony's teenage children give her the green light to marry their dad. It is a testament to her that she has won them over. As most children of divorce do not ever accept a step parent. I realized after I shed a tear that the way they put it was, the kids say "Kary is the spaghetti to Tony's meatballs" I cried to that!?  Michel thought I was crying at the bad metaphor.
It was a beautiful wedding and I knew that every single person there would be a kind and amazing person by proxy. I failed to get a good picture of the ultra attractive couple due to being short as hell. An anouncement was made that the decorations were not edible. I felt the announcement was made specifically to me. I was looking at the ornamental peppers from afar and I would be someone who lacks grace and dignity and would start eating their decorations


The next morning Michel and I ran in a 5k
/http://kellijoyolaughlinmemorialfund.com/
This event and Memorial fund was created in the memory of a girl (Kelli) who was murdered in a home invasion in 2011, now money raised goes toward scholarships.
The substitute chiropractor at Oak Park Chiropractic. Dr. Kelley is related to the girl and she volunteers for this every year as well as a lot more for this, I'm sure. She told me that it was a police dog like this below that caught the perp. This police dog below is named Kelli in memory of her.

Dr. Lisa Kelley just told me that the event made $20-25K, all of it goes to the KelliJoyOlaughlinMemorialFund.com and gives back scholarships and other help to the community.

What is left of me after the run, with great co-worker and volunteer Martha

Sunday night we stopped at my parents to eat their food and run. I told them that Michel now has health insurance which includes all the "bells and whistles". My dad said "It's not Balls and whistles, did some rude person teach you all the idioms?"
I am now on a mission to turn as many of our common phrases into something rude.


P.S.. Michel, my muse,  was memorizing this poem
http://poetrypages.lemon8.nl/life/musee/museebeauxarts.htm

A poem about Icarus falling into the sea. Its cool that it is a poem about a painting.
I guess the gist of the poem is that when great suffering is happening the rest of the world is business as usual. I knew that already but I guess W. H. Auden felt the need to meditate upon that.
It is, however, timely to the 5k of our weekend.

Labor Day

For Labor day, I thought everyone else in the world was going to awesome bbq's. I asked around and everyone said they are doing "nothing" except an 84 year old party animal , who is going to a bbq.

Michel and I were invited to my parents for some power boozing. Kidding, 2 drink max.  The real reason they invited us was to help them operate their new t.v. The whole time we tried to figure out why the new digital t.v. did not work with the old v.h.s. player, they were yelling some things across the room trying to help as though we were running a dangerous obstacle course.  They are adorable. 

Michel is trying to memorize 100 poems and his latest is "To the virgins to make much of time" By Robert Herrick, a 17th century English poet. The poem starts "Gather ye rosebuds while thee may"

http://www.luminarium.org/sevenlit/herrick/tovirgins.htm

It is essentially saying, gather stuff cuz you're going to die soon, the flowers too.

Aren't I poetic?

I think this is the perfect poem for this time of year.

Gather Ye rosebuds While Ye May, by John William Waterhouse, (1909)

 
I see squirrels all over the place getting their nuts stashed for winter. As a Quasi or, when it's convenient, Taoist, I observe nature and go with the flow of nature, so I took this day to gather grapes, and vegetables from the yard and make grape jam, radish relish and
soup from the garden vegetables.


(Picture to be put here)
My favorite quote of the week. Heard  on Lake St. and Harlem, Oak Park.
"People are dying, crossing the border to leave Syria, and all these mofos on the Green line are only happy when they have a snickers bar in their mouth"

http://www.food.com/recipe/rosy-radish-relish-241334

Terrain Exhibition in Oak Park/Berwyn style

My dad brought over an article in the Chicago Tribune, about art displayed in front of houses of Oak Park, and other cities. terrainexhibitions.com
Michel and I biked around Oak Park where some houses had art displayed, most on the 700 block of Highland.  Sometimes it was hard to guess which houses have art for this exhibition and which houses have just a huge balance ball in their front yard for other purposes. Then I noticed that the art always has a descriptive plaque.

 This is us in front of 1157 south Taylor. Better picture and description here
 http://www.terrainexhibitions.com/#!1157-south-taylor/cdpk

 This sculpture in front of an Oak Park house is by Pat McDonald and is not associated with the exhibit. I think the people who bought the sculpture are visionaries and that it is a great idea to support the arts in this way. Here is a link to more info of this sculpture.
http://myemail.constantcontact.com/Monumental-sculptor-Pat-McDonald.html?soid=1101596775068&aid=lcSJi7wbcZM

On our adventure, we ran into a favorite homeless man. He told us that he would like to contact deodorant companies and see if they would donate deodorant to college students. He went on to say that students could pass the deodorant around and share it if necessary.



Yard zucchini, behind that, Judi Dench, the chicken who is now eating the other chicken's eggs. We don't have the nerve to eat her yet.

 Finally a water lily bloomed this week.

Irony "the song of the bird that loves its cage"

Michel has gone back to work teaching High school this week. For his last weekend of freedom I left him to do what he most wanted to do. So he went in the the basement to sculpt. He is in terrible need of a head to sculpt and no heads have volunteered so I reluctantly offered my own.
As a woman who is a victim of our media and culture's war on women's self esteems, this is not my idea of a fun thing.

 
I tried to read "Infinite Jest" by David Foster Wallace.

In other words we hid from the world as usual.

He, or DFW,  was raved about in a recent class I took. 
I'm arriving late to the hip party of his fandom, but I want to see what all the hubbub is about.

I'm hooked. The book is as thick as a brick. But reading him or listening to him is like weight lifting for the brain.  It is hard work, but it feels like the brain is better for it. As though I feel an afterglow similar to after a run.

From what I can understand The protagonist is not being understood as he talks, but it is possibly due to the fact that he is talking on such an intelligent level. He says in the interview above that he did not want it to be funny. I find that very funny.
The protagonist must be based on him, who in interviews keeps thinking he is not making sense.


In the novel's world, each year is subsidized by a specific corporate sponsor for tax revenue. The years of Subsidized Time are:

1. Year of the Whopper
2. Year of the Tucks Medicated Pad
3. Year of the Trial-Size Dove Bar
4. Year of the Perdue Wonderchicken
5. Year of the Whisper-Quiet Maytag Dishmaster
6. Year of the Yushityu 2007 Mimetic-Resolution-Cartridge-View-Motherboard-Easy-To-Install-Upgrade for Infernatron/InterLace TP Systems for Home, Office or Mobile [sic]
7. Year of Dairy Products from the American Heartland
8. Year of the Depend Adult Undergarment
9. Year of Glad

David Foster Wallace thinks postmodernism is over. So do I and I have wished I could coin a new phrase.

Compost Modernism.



I was recently told that to grow new muscle, you need to lift weights "to fail" or until your muscle will not work any more. I will read this "to fail" and hopefully come out a smarter person.

foul balls

Amendment to an earlier thing I said: The reason I have had no or very few pictures of having fun is that I am multi-phobic. I just made that word up. I fear traveling, going fast in cars, being in small spaces, speaking in public. I used to shake visibly when talking to boys. I had a depressive period when even going to the library made me panic, for no logical reason. Taking the El, ever since riding in a smoky car made me panicky, is now a big deal. Last week I took a measly

ten minute ride on the luxurious Metra, and it was the first time I did not panic. It was also the first time I took a train in years.

So I, at forty-four years old, am trying to stretch my wings. Go outside my comfort zone.
Yesterday,  Jeanne Wilson, my best friend, gifted me two tickets to see the Cubs. I took Michel.
He too, by the way, has had bouts with anxiety, and in my opinion has not had enough fun in life. For instance, when I met him, he said he watched TV by looking out the window of his apartment at other people's TVs. I will have to ask permission to put this in print. (Permission granted, he now says.)
 
So we were gifted great seats to a very exciting game --  Cubs versus San Fransisco. The Cubs won in a very exciting way. Neither of us had been to Cubs game in a long while, Michel since the 70's, I since the 90's.  As someone who doesn't regularly watch sports, I am not qualified to comment on the game. I nervously eyed the scoreboard, complete with pictures of who was up at bat, and I was not sure where the outs were on the board. I kept saying to Michel, "Is that the best picture they could get of the batters?" They all looked startled.

"What do you expect?, He asked"
"Glamour shots" I responded.

Whenever there was a foul ball or pop up, I saw the ball coming and was certain I was about to die. At one point the ball hit the stands and I was surprised they did not have to investigate the after- effect, they went right on with the game.

I took no pictures of this once-in-a-life-time event because I left not one, but two iphones in my unlocked car, allowing anyone to make hundreds.

So I am Gifting you with pictures of my chickens and someone else's ducks having fun.

aug 2- Send in the clowns

For the second installment of Michel and Sarah's excellent adventure, we face many fears and go see clowns perform at a cemetery.

I, for one have a clown car load of phobias.

The entourage (my parents) joined us.

Also, it was my 44th birthday.

 

So, yeah, a clown made out with my dad. I had to remove the sound portion of the makeout due to the fact that I was screaming.  The mayor of Forest park spoke, a little too long.

Clowns gave out toys and candy to kids and my dad wanted all the toys, leading the clowns to think he was special needs. My parents' dog was dressed in a clown collar. Notice in the video my dad says "John Wayne Gacy" after the mayor says we should recognize the great contributions clowns have given us. And they probably do give us a lot. This event was free and adorable minus the mayor with the thick Chicago accent and ulterior motives whatever they were, I don't actually know if he had motives.

Sunday started with a visit to see the ducks. First time in a few months. This time I am helping the duck owner by letting the ducks out in the morning and putting them back in at night. Its easier to catch them as they are now wearing shoes. Note Hank in the back getting caught up. Hank it turns out is a female and her beak is always open.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0U9baz1WB4&feature=youtu.be

  

Hilda the goose of the group turns out to be a man and has been on top of both Holly and Hank on a regular basis. 

First blog/Two Gents

After finding the photos of my failed marriage and realizing that they all showed us -- my ex and I -- not having fun together,  I want to have a wonderful time with my boyfriend and save it in this scrapbook.

Last night we went to see The Oak Park Festival Theater's outdoor play, "Two Gentlemen of Verona".

The weather was perfect, but I was hoping it would rain because I was tired after working all day and then having a huge Straw-ber-ita in a can.

The play is done with a twist every year. This year it was set in 1983. I enjoyed this twist more than last year's 1920's/Chicago or two years ago's beach theme. There were a lot of comic aspects to using the 80's. When Proteus serenaded Sylvia, he used a boom box, and Thurio did some Michael Jackson moves.

This play was mostly about love, and I realized I follow Shakespeare better when it's about love than other shit.

We heard a character call someone a "swarthy Ethiope". Yikes!

I liked a line of Proteus's about thoughts "harboring" with Silvia,  and how once they referred to the moon as a "pale queen of the night".

The 80's outfits were hilarious and one guy used a skateboard and referred to it instead of whatever Elizabethan-era thing one can use to stand on and make plays-on-words. He also brought a live dog on stage and yelled most of his lines at the dog. The dog was amazing, which reminded me that I never should have brought my dog two years ago. It is probably the reason the flier now says "well behaved dogs only".

Before the play we encountered this guy  on Harlem and Washington. A random voice from across the street yelled, "What are you?" and he responded. "I'm a lemon and a lime".